Steps

Mr Sweetness and Light took his very first steps with two legs! He got to try it out for about 15 to 20 minutes. This first leg is a rough one so changes can be made to suit his uniqueness.  More work will be done on it since it couldn't be adjusted any further for him. Our prosthetist said to expect more adjustments as he learns to walk because his gait and stance will change over time. At his next appointment, the leg will get fine-tuned even more and then he will meet with the physical therapist who will help learn to use it.





I cannot begin to describe the joy I felt watching his first few steps. Since I didn't have any of my children as infants, this is the first 'first step' experience I've had with any of my kids. I wasn't sure whether to make a fuss--after all he is 15 years old and boys that age don't really want that kind of fussing since they're 'grown up now!'

Firsts...

When I began the journey to adopt my children there were many things I never imagined: Telling nine year old Miracle Man to come down from 25 feet up a fir tree the day before major surgery; Explaining to 14 year old Mr. Sweetness and Light why he shouldn't climb on top of our roof at 10 p.m. to look at the stars (never mind how he got himself up there in the first place!); Learning about hair--how MM didn't like it--never mind that he was using the clippers to shave the dreaded stuff off the tops of his arms; Spending 1 1/2 hours curling Miss Sunshine's hair for photo day.

The past year has been full of all sorts of firsts: Mr. Sweetness and Light played sports for the first time: baseball, soccer, swimming. His first P.E. class. First trip to the beach. First time going to church. Miracle Man graduated from middle school and started high school. (And boy have I gotten short! Every time I turn around I'm getting shorter!) He drummed up his first job--on his own, might I add. I can't believe what a man he has started to become! He's showing initiative, working hard, growing into himself. Miss Sunshine sang in choir and joined track team. She's set her sails and looks toward the stars.

Last month,  we attended a clinic for challenged athletes. SL learned how he could swim. Learning how he can as opposed to how he can not. That mindset became so important during his adoption. It is a good life lesson. Figure out how you can do something rather than looking for all the ways and reasons you can't. Over my life I have watched so many people do the latter rather than the former.

Tomorrow SL will get fitted with a rough prosthetic leg and begin the journey toward walking on two legs--something he could only dream of 18 months ago. The road ahead won't necessarily be easy. He will have to use muscles in ways he has never done before. Just the motion of walking will be so alien for him. There will be socks and liners and medications none of us has experience with yet. Eventually, there will be an operation--but the folks at our hospital want to get him on the road to walking before that occurs because it will give him a positive mindset when things are hard and not working just right. He will get to know what it is to walk before any other changes get made. What freedom he will experience by not having to have a crutch to lug around all the time! He dreams of new firsts now:  riding a bicycle, driving, running in track. I've cautioned him that this first leg is a walking leg, not a running leg. "Why can't I have a running let?! I don't want a walking leg! I want to run! I hate walking legs!" How does one answer that? I did give an answer. It feels so much like holding him back--something I never want to do. We have to apply for a running leg. Prosthetics aren't cheap. A first prosthetic runs about $9,000 and subsequent ones could go up to $50,000. I will figure out how we can get him his running leg.

Celebration of light, birth culture loss and growing our family culture

As I watched a family preparing themselves for a Diwali celebration at the beginning of the week, I pondered the loss of birth culture for my children. I thought about how their birth families might be celebrating and the traditions each may have for this holiday. For those not familiar with Diwali, it is the Hindu celebration of light and falls somewhere between the end of October to the first couple weeks in November. Rather than a single day, it is five days--each with its own theme. Family celebrations include special food, prayers, visiting family members, putting on new clothes, and chalk drawings.

This family  included all their members and friends in the festivities, a number of which were born with intellectual and physical challenges. My thoughts turned to my sons. How sad Miracle Man's family hasn't gotten to hear his laughter, listen to his stories, and know the pull of the charisma he exudes. Or even know that he lived and now thrives. I wish they could see him now and see the man he soon will become. Do they ever wonder about him? What is their life like now? What was it like when he was born? Miracle Man remembers enjoying fireworks set off for Diwali and the special time it was for him in India. Would he have had that in his birth family? What would their celebration have been like? And a bigger question: would they have celebrated Diwali? His family might not have been Hindu.

Miss Sunshine surely would have been putting on beautiful sari's or salwar kameez then applying bindis and henna drawings. I imagine her preparing for the holiday with her family and the joyous feeling they may have from visiting with all of their members and friends. I know her birth mother thinks of her even as she goes about her life now.

HH has lived in his birth culture all his years to date. In a little over a month he will either go from all he has known to a world so different he cannot imagine or he will stay in his birth culture but face a life of pain and shame--perhaps not knowing when he will eat again or where his head will rest after a day's toil.  Do his birth parents wonder about him? What would his life have been like if he could have remained with them? What would they celebrate in their family?

I can only give my children small pieces of their birth culture--from the outside. I can give the pieces of my culture which they may or may not keep going forward in their lives. In that way, we graft to one another to grow our family culture and make it our own. We celebrate Diwali, go to India Day celebrations, and eat Indian food. We have in the past gone to Asia Fest, celebrated Chinese New Year, and my children already home love Chinese food. Next year, these will all take on new meaning for us as we work to assimilate HH into our family and bring more of his culture into it.

A funny thing happened on the way to get the kids' passports renewed...

Or maybe not so funny. You decide. You know, adults can renew by mail, right? Lucky us! However,  If you have to go to an actual passport office or a post office, take notice. Children must go in whether it is a renewal or a brand new passport. Stands to reason--they change so much. This travail began over the summer. When the kids weren't in school. When my schedule was packed to the brim.  So far, I have made four trips to get my children's passports renewed. There will be at least a fifth trip. Trip one: office moved. I just assumed they would be in the same place they were a few years ago. The post office doesn't move so why should the passport office, right? Yeah, wrong.  Trip two: We arrive at 2:30 p.m. great, huh?! Not so great. On Friday's they aren't open till 3 p.m., they closed at 2 p.m. I pulled the kids out of school early for that fiasco. Trip three: one app accepted, one rejected. Trip four: they closed early (even though I got there before the posted closure time). You see, they "have paper work to do and there is no budge room on Friday's." That's what the clerk told me.  What happened with the rejected app you ask? Well, your photo cannot have the person smiling with their mouth open. This will be rejected. Costco didn't know that. Neither did I. Now we all know. Copy both front and back of supporting documents--on the same page. DO NOT copy back and front on separate pieces of paper and staple them together. You will either be told to go redo your copies or have to wait for the clerk to redo them for you.

Other things you should know: Your child's emergency contact must be a family member, not a family friend. I had put a family friend since I have no relatives nearby and all close relatives are dead. HIPPA, I was told. What do they do for people who don't have any relatives? And for that matter, how would they have known if I hadn't put family friend in the box--not all of my relatives have the same last name as I do! Remember to initial your corrections.

Allot way more time than you think to get the passport(s). The clerk who helped us worked excruciatingly slowly. I understand they have to be careful and look everything over but this was ridiculous! I about went around the bend. Good thing she works for the government. There was only one person ahead of me the day I actually succeeded in getting into the office and it took nearly an hour to get finished. Yes, I let her know I had to be back to work. No, it did not do any good. And that was with all the forms printed and filled out beforehand. Take your kids out of school to get this done. There is no other option.

Do not expect the clerks to be knowledgeable about which offices do offer Saturday service (at least the ones in the local officer weren't). The website says our passport office does Saturdays by appointment. Well, not according to the folks who actually work there. They suggested I try the post office. Well, that would be a great idea--except the post office has almost no one able to provide passport services and all of them in our area have been switched to weekdays. Nearly 20,000 postal employees retired or left the postal service this year or so I was told.

Call ahead to find out the forms of payment accepted. Our office does not take cash. No credit. No debit.  Only checks and money orders. The one time I had cash, too. I think the website may have even said something about bringing in cash.

Processing times have pushed out to between six and eight weeks. Expedited service, which costs $60 more, will get it back hopefully in four weeks. You may be able to get it back in three weeks with overnight shipping both ways....And, if you don't have to make five trips, or schedule around work, school, and life. Or get the clerk I had. Good luck.

How many times must a woman go to get a document notarized....

before she actually can find
someone who will do the stamp?
Not the bank!
And not the other bank!
FedEx doesn't do anymore
The realtor? No!

Yes, how many trips must a woman make
before she can drive
to the secretary of state
to get a stamp, to get a seal, to send the thing
to the consulate?


It's not as easy as you think
It should have been, but it wasn't.
They'd never seen...
They didn't know...Shouldn't there be somewhere to sign?
Shouldn't there be a typed line?

How many trips must a woman make
So the courier can take the approval
from the feds to the consulate
How many trips must it take!

The answer my friend, you will hear
The answer my friend, you will hear

But give me your guess
give me your guess

Say what? Questions we adoptive parents hear.

What not to ask an adoptive parent!

http://www.babble.com/kid/15-things-you-should-never-say-to-an-adoptive-parent/

If you're an adoptive parent or child, you've heard at least some of these. I would include a question from the local butcher: Guess she met Mother Teresa? Ah, nope. Let's see, she's two and Mother Teresa died how many years ago? You do the math.

I never thought I would run up against anything as challenging at the Indian domicile certificate. If you're not familiar with this document, any person in India can go down to their local police station and obtain one. It verifies who they are and where they live. Should be easy, right? Back when I was adopting Miss Sunshine, I spent two weeks on the phone with various state, regional, county, and city employees trying to get an equivalent of the domicile certificate here in the states. I can tell you that the police here will not do it. The county property assessor's office will not either. City hall won't. Strings had to be pulled to get someone in the state government to do it. I can hear you thinking, "Couldn't you have had your lawyer draft a letter to that effect for you?" Which is what several people asked in those two weeks of calling. No, it had to be on government letterhead.

Well, now I have the China process equivalent of that challenge. . And it doesn't seem like it should be that big a deal. Because I am self-employed, my agency needs a statement from an accountant verifying that I make what I make. My businesses so far are fairly simple so  I don't use an accountant. Twelve phone calls today with several of the accountants telling me that since they didn't do my taxes and didn't know me from Eve, they couldn't possibly verify my income. One may call me back tomorrow with what they need to do the job at $140 per hour with an estimated 2-4 hour time frame or about $540 at the projected high end. I need to get this done asap since my son has only until January 1 before he ages out.

6/12/12 Long day's journy into another country

Well, it certainly has been a long time since the last post! Since then, we've lost little "R" due to changes with her placing agency and country of origin. During the intervening time we also lost a couple other children from the same country for a variety of reasons. Very discouraging! I couldn't bear to post anything until now. I began to explore other countries and programs after the last little one I lost. I felt adrift without knowing which way to turn until about two weeks ago when a lady called from the agency here to inquire if we were still going to adopt or not and said that she felt their China program would be a good fit for us. I have to say that I had been looking at several of the children from China on their website; however, I had been set on bringing home siblings and knew that wouldn't be possible with China. This phone call was what I needed to hear. I knew the names of the children whose files I wanted to see and rattled them off and later emailed a couple of additions. I poured through the files on each child, narrowed down to two boys whom I couldn't separate in my mind even though I was already leaning toward one of them. I sent the files to two friends with medical and behavioral backgrounds to get their input. We all agreed on the same boy. I am now in the throes of completing the paperwork that will go to China as I continue to work to make my house what it needs to be. I have been blessed with the means to overcome a couple of hurdles already toward this adoption in the last two weeks and now believe this is the direction I and my family are meant to take.

5/22/2011 Little "R" Update

"R" now walks around the playground, the agency reports. She likes her AFOs.  AFOs? I thought she was supposed to be wearing HKAFOs. Does this mean the casting last year improved her ability to walk that much? Is it just that that's what they have for her? They've scheduled surgery for her to improve continence when just a couple months ago they said they didn't have the resources to keep cathing her, what's up with that?! Glad to hear these things. They still haven't answered my questions from last fall. Grrrr. Maybe they just don't know on a lot of them.