Celebration of light, birth culture loss and growing our family culture

As I watched a family preparing themselves for a Diwali celebration at the beginning of the week, I pondered the loss of birth culture for my children. I thought about how their birth families might be celebrating and the traditions each may have for this holiday. For those not familiar with Diwali, it is the Hindu celebration of light and falls somewhere between the end of October to the first couple weeks in November. Rather than a single day, it is five days--each with its own theme. Family celebrations include special food, prayers, visiting family members, putting on new clothes, and chalk drawings.

This family  included all their members and friends in the festivities, a number of which were born with intellectual and physical challenges. My thoughts turned to my sons. How sad Miracle Man's family hasn't gotten to hear his laughter, listen to his stories, and know the pull of the charisma he exudes. Or even know that he lived and now thrives. I wish they could see him now and see the man he soon will become. Do they ever wonder about him? What is their life like now? What was it like when he was born? Miracle Man remembers enjoying fireworks set off for Diwali and the special time it was for him in India. Would he have had that in his birth family? What would their celebration have been like? And a bigger question: would they have celebrated Diwali? His family might not have been Hindu.

Miss Sunshine surely would have been putting on beautiful sari's or salwar kameez then applying bindis and henna drawings. I imagine her preparing for the holiday with her family and the joyous feeling they may have from visiting with all of their members and friends. I know her birth mother thinks of her even as she goes about her life now.

HH has lived in his birth culture all his years to date. In a little over a month he will either go from all he has known to a world so different he cannot imagine or he will stay in his birth culture but face a life of pain and shame--perhaps not knowing when he will eat again or where his head will rest after a day's toil.  Do his birth parents wonder about him? What would his life have been like if he could have remained with them? What would they celebrate in their family?

I can only give my children small pieces of their birth culture--from the outside. I can give the pieces of my culture which they may or may not keep going forward in their lives. In that way, we graft to one another to grow our family culture and make it our own. We celebrate Diwali, go to India Day celebrations, and eat Indian food. We have in the past gone to Asia Fest, celebrated Chinese New Year, and my children already home love Chinese food. Next year, these will all take on new meaning for us as we work to assimilate HH into our family and bring more of his culture into it.